I cannot believe it has been exactly 35 months since Lilly Louise was born. I don't remeber my life without her, and at the same time it feels like it was just yesterday I was pretending to be brave while checking into labor and delivery. These last 35 months have been some of the best and hardest times of my life to date. I am not a fan of doing things that I do not excel in. When Dave and I found out that we were pregnant after only 5 months of marriage, we were happy and scared to put it simply. With pregnancy I knew that I would recieve a flood of unsolicited advice from all the women in my life.
When I was told I would need to be put on bed rest early in my pregnancy, I felt instant failure creep through my body. I remember feeling like I was not good at being a Mom before Lilly was even in my arms. The advice that I had not asked for began to increase. After a lengthy labor and an emergancy C-section I had my Lilly in my arms. I felt a joy that I had never felt before. After 5 days we were headed home, to what I knew would be hard but I had no idea the size of the mountain I would be climbing. More advice rang in my ears, and I felt like I had already failed as a mother.
What I learned between the first 2 weeks and the big mile stone of Lilly's 1st birthday was that I COULD do it, and no amount of babysitting, playing house, or reading could have prepared me for what being a mother truly meant. I learned that all that unsolicited advice was out of love, that all the women in my life loved me more than I knew. I learned that being a mom makes you part of a special group of women that are nothing short of amazing. I know that the struggles of motherhood are never over, and now that the few struggles of early motherhood are behind me, I'm glad there will be many more. These last 35 months had darkness that was turned into sunshine with her smile. Sadness that never lasted long because of a slobery kiss.
I hope that these next years will be as wonderful and struggle filled as these lst few years have been. I love my life, because I love my family.
